Washcloth and Panties

Washcloth is tired of being used.

Once there was a washcloth that disliked being used. He didn't like getting wet, he didn't like scooping up crumbs, and he didn't like wiping things, especially mouths and hands and floors and tables, well, anything really.

One day, after an aggravating episode of getting used to scrub some dried oatmeal from a table leg, he was tossed into a pile of other "used" things like pants and other washcloths and socks. Then he and the whole pile was lifted up and carried some distance. He could see clearly where they were going...the washer.

He decided to use all the strength he could come up with and wiggle himself loose from the pile. He did this just as the rest of the pile was being tossed into the washer, and he fell behind the washer with a puff.

He sat there for a long time. He tried to stay as still as he could.

Dust gathered around him. Some balls of lint fell near him. He had done what he set out to do...he was being forgotten.

He had lots to think about, mostly about how great he thought not being wet felt. He was dry and wrinkled and the dried oatmeal had flaked off long ago.

One day, something just beyond the corner of the washer caught his eye.

The washcloth froze.

"Hello?" said a sweet little voice.

The washcloth dared not move. But he could see the object perfectly. It was very pretty. With flowers and ladybugs.

"Hello?" came the little voice again.

Washcloth was curious. What harm would it be to respond and see what this thing was?

Carefully, he said, "Hello?"

"Oh, hi," came the voice again. "Who are you?"

"I'm a washcloth," he said. "Who are you?"

"I'm a pair of panties," she said.

"Oh, hello, panties," he said.

"Hello washcloth," she answered.

"How long have you been here?" he asked her.

"Oh, long before you dropped out of that pile," she said.

"Really?" he said. "Was it an accident?"

"Oh no. I wiggled out just like you did," she said proudly. "I was tired of being stretched and tugged and being wrapped around bottoms."

"Sure, I can see that," he said. "Me too...well, except for the "bottoms" part."

They laughed.

"I'm glad you're here," she said.

"Oh, me too," he said back.

They became good friends, talking all the time, only stopping when the lights turned on.

"Oh," she smiled, "I remember once I was taken off in the back yard and thrown in a tree. I was free as bird, flapping in the wind...until someone snatched me down with a stick and put me back on."

"I remember once,” he said "I was full of chocolate syrup and yogurt and honey, but they had laid me down in a way that I looked clean. Well, the baby sneezed or something and I got snatched up in a hurry and got used to wipe the nose, but instead of cleaning off the boogies, the honey and chocolate and yogurt got wiped all over the baby's face and hair and they had already taken off the bib, so it went down onto the shirt and pants. Oh, it was a mess."

They both had such great memories.

After a while though, they ran out of stories from the past, and they talked less and less.

"You already told me that story," they would say. Or "That didn't happen to you, that's my story."

Both of them were beginning to feel sad. They couldn't talk about what was going to happen to them, because no one was looking for them. Nothing was going to happen to them. They had both long been forgotten.

They spoke less and less every day.

It may have been the panties, or it may have been the washcloth who said it. It doesn't matter, really, but someone said it.

"Do you think we'll be found again?"

This got them talking like they've never talked before.

The washcloth began to talk about how good a washcloth he was, and how he held on to the water and the crumbs, and that he was the best at wiping. He wanted to be a good washcloth again.

The panties began talking about how stretchy her elastic was and how well stitched she was, and she even thought she might be longing for the smell of bottoms again.

From then on, when the lights came on, the tried their hardest to sit up and get noticed.

But it never happened.

The End.



No, just kidding.

One day, a broom handle came knocking around and snagged the washcloth and whisked it away.

The washcloth began to be used again. He was wiping, scooping, drying and just being helpful. He was happy. He sure would be happier if he knew what had happened to the panties.

He tried to get a glimpse behind the washer whenever he was getting tossed in, but he had to be careful. He didn't want to accidentally fall back there again.

He hoped she was ok.

One day, the washcloth was thrown into a pile and smelled something awful. Wow, he had never wiped anything up that smelled so terrible. As he was holding his breath so he wouldn't smell it anymore, he thought he heard singing.

He wiggled himself a little, and out from under a bath towel, the panties came tumbling out.

"It's you! You're out!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, washcloth! It's so good to see you!" she yelled.

And they hugged as the pile they were in got picked up, walked over to the washer, and tossed in.

"Isn't this wonderful!" they both agreed.

The End

Driving Cows

A little girl Cow bumps into something interesting.

Once there was a little girl cow that knew how to eat, sleep, walk and look around.

Every day, as she ate, loud noises would take her attention from eating and she would lift her head to see what it was. Sometimes she would just barely catch a glimpse of what was making the noise, but it would be gone before she got a good look at it.

One day, as she was eating and walking a bit, her head bumped into something very hard with a loud "thud".

She stopped eating and looked at it. She smelled it.

It didn't look like a cow, and it didn't smell like a cow.

It didn't look like a tree, or smell like a tree.

She decided to walk around it. There were hard parts and soft parts. There were even shiny parts, and very smelly parts.

She decided to taste part of it that was sticking out a little.

As she bit it, a large part of it swung around like a gate. She got out of the way just in time.

Then she put her head inside of it and it smelled very different than the outside, and there were very soft parts, and some harder parts.

As she put her head in further, her horn pushed against something and it made a loud sound, like a moo, but sharper. It surprised her and she almost decided to leave.

But she didn't. She bumped her head on it again and the sound happened again.

Bu this time, some of the other cows in the pasture were lifting their heads, but they kept on eating.

She realized that she had heard this sound before. Sometimes she heard it at the same time as the loud sound that passed every day.

Well, she decided to go a little further. She pushed her head in, then her bottom, then she was all the way in, and her front hook accidentally turned something and pushed something else and another noise happened.

This surprised her and she stomped her back hoof and suddenly, she was moving.

But just as soon as she had started moving, "thump", and she stopped moving suddenly.

She squeezed herself out, and walked to the front to see what had stopped her.

It was something large.

She smelled it.

It smelled like her dad. It was her dad.

Oh, no. She hit her dad.

She thought quickly and ran around and back inside and pushed her head against the thing that made noise.

She did it enough times to annoy even the most patient bull.

Well, it worked. Dad suddenly got up and started stomping around, shaking his head.

"What hit me?" he said.

"Uh, well, it was me," she said.

"With what?" he asked her.

"With this thing here," she said looking at it.

He looked it over. Smelled it. Licked it. Snorted at it.

"What is it?" he asked her.

"I don't know," she said. "But check this out."

And she pushed herself inside.

"What are you doing, get out of there," he said.

So she got out.

"It's OK, Dad," she said, "I was in it earlier."

"Yes, I know," he said as he frowned at her.

"What does it do?" he asked.

"Well, it makes noise, and it moves," she said.

He looked at it a bit closer.

"OK, let's see if I can fit into it,” he said.

And he pushed his head into it. He accidentally pressing against the noisy part and jumped back a little, but just enough to poke his horn straight up through the roof. He yanked at it for a bit, and it came loose.

He shot a glance back at his daughter who was clapping her hooves together and doing a little dance.

He pushed himself it again and squeezed his bottom in, then scooted all the way over, leaving the first seat empty.

"Come on in," he said to her.

"Really?" she asked.

"See if you can get it to go again," he said to her.

So she pushed her head in, being careful not to hit the noisy part, and then squeezed her bottom in.

As she did this, she accidentally turned something with her hoof, and as she pulled her hoof back, she popped something up. It startled her again and she stomped her back hoof down, and off they went.

"Woah! Woah! Hey! Woah! Wow! Hey! Woohoo!" dad yelled, still a little anxious.

She leaned over to look out the opening and pushed the round thing in the front, and they started moving back toward the smooth part of the ground.

When they got to the smooth part, she pushed her hoof down and they went even faster.

They were moving straight and fast, sticking their heads out of the openings.

Dad looked over to her and said, "This is fun."

She looked back at him and said, "I love you dad."

Then suddenly he said, "Make the noise, make the noise!"

And just as they passed a pasture with a bunch of cows eating, she honked the horn like crazy.

They were yelling, "Woohoo!" and "Look at us!" and "We're making that noise!"

Most of the cows didn't lift their heads fast enough, but they did it every time they past a pasture full of cows.

After a while, they started slowing down.

Dad said, "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Nothing, it's doing it by itself," she said.

And then it stopped moving.

They sat there for a little while, and then finally decided to get out.

"Well, that was fun," he said.

That's when they noticed they were right in the middle of a place with a bunch of other "noisy-moving things", but the cows that were getting out of them were really small and skinny very colorful and walked on their back hooves.

Dad and his daughter just walked over to the grassy part behind the colorful barn and started eating grass.

The End

Captain Gasalot

A tale of Captain Gasalot: A pirate known for his sense of smell. (sort of)

Once upon a time, there was a pirate named Captain Gasalot. No one except his own crew had ever seen him, but he was feared on the seas.

His method of capturing ships was by using his special fog making invention. He would dump loads of this special stuff off the ship and would engulf his ship with fog.

Unsuspecting ships would not know it was Captain Gasalot's ship that was approaching them. The next thing they knew, their ship was engulfed by fog, and Captain Gasalot had boarded their ship.

The fog would make everything quiet. And before the crew knew it, Captain Gasalot would already be disabling them one at a time. With a clothespin on his nose, he would stand as close to them as possible, and toot.

All the crew would hear was "ptptpt", and then a gasp, and another member of the crew was down.

Captain Gasalot would do this until the whole crew was disabled, and as the fog cleared, he would not go for the booty. He was not interested in jewelry or gold or maps. He was interested in something from the kitchen.

He would put clothespins on all the noses of his crew, go down into the hold with his men, and they would steal all their beans, cabbage, sausage, cheese and broccoli. Anything that would ferment in his stomach and produce gas.

Then he would tie a rope to the wheel and make the ship go in a big circle, so that they wouldn't slam into rocks or other ships, and leave them.

When everyone came to, they thought everything had been left untouched, that is, until the cook decided to begin preparing the meal.

"The beans are gone! How can I cook without beans! And the cabbage too."

Well, there was a Captain of another ship who was determined to stop Captain Gasalot. And he had a plan.

He had also discovered how to make fog, so he decided to set a trap for Captain Gasalot.

He dumped all the stuff off the ship, and engulfed his won ship in fog. This would surely attract Captain Gasalot.

He was right. Captain Gasalot could smell fog from miles away. And in no time at all, he had steered next to the ship, and was boarding.

He began to use his specialized weapon of choice. "Ptptpt." But he heard no gasp, and no falling crewmen.

"Ptptpt." Captain Gasalot was confused.

"Ptptpt." Captain Gasalot was running out of bullets.

As he used his last, the fog was beginning to clear, and there was the crew of the ship, standing over him, with clothespins pinching their noses.

So, they took Captain Gasalot to jail. Turns out, Captain Gasalot had a huge nose, so they put the handcuffs on his nose when they took him in.

They closed him in a cell with only a small vent at the top. Captain Gasalot decided he would try to escape by disabling the guard at the door.

He stood up and got as close to the door as he could.

"Ptptpt."

But he had forgotten that he had not put a clothespin on his nose, and his own toot knocked him out.

Later, he would wake up wondering where he was, and realize he had to toot, let out the toot, and get knocked out again.

The guard at the door decided that he did not need to be there, since Captain Gasalot could not take any more than one step before knocking himself out again.

And of course, they only fed him beans, sausage, cabbage, cheese and broccoli.

The End